The legendary Tottenham Hotspur striker Jimmy Greaves used to call football a “funny old game” but he could have just as easily been talking about email.
Like a full-on full moon, email can turn people in to stark raving lunatics, and change otherwise normal folks into bug-eyed maniacs.
You see, this week was something of a landmark week for me in that I broke an email “personal best.”
What was this record I broke?
A record week of profits from email?
An early spring growth spurt in my list?
Nothing of the sort chico…
It was a bumper week for UNSUBSCRIBES, seeing an exodus of biblical proportions from my list.
Subscribers were dropping off like flies with blizzards of special snowflakes melting from the heat of the topics brought before them.
But quite frankly – I didn’t even say anything controversial.
And while I didn’t deliberately set out to get anyone to unsubscribe, I’m delighted that these people made themselves known and left.
To have such illiterate simpletons voluntarily remove themselves from my universe brings me nothing but utter glee, for it spares me the heartbreak of having to deal with them at some stage further down the line.
Like the bloke who accused me of being an IRA sympathizer on Tuesday …
….or the lady who reckoned I was a “sexist, misogynist pig” for “objectifying women” with my “Close To Orgasm after Saving a cool €120 email”.
You see, great marketing is NOT just about attracting the right kind of prospects into your sales funnel.
It’s also about REPELLING those whom you don’t want within 1000 miles of you (because if you don’t, then there’s every chance they’ll worm their way into your business and cause you untold misery.)
And there’s no better way of doing that than via regular emails, laden with oodles of your own personality.
Missives that lay your true personality on the line, repelling those whom you don’t want in your life, and attracting those whom you do.
It’s win-win baby.
‘Cos when you repel those who you don’t want anywhere near you..guess what..you turn your “fans” into stark raving mad fans.
And stark raving mad fans make for even more ravenous buyers too.
Now while extreme polarization isn’t something every business will have the balls to do, the good news is you don’t have to.
But you will have to be authentic.
You can be human, can’t you?
So if the idea of drawing those kind of prospects who hang on your every word and become stark raving bonkers fans of your oeuvre sounds appealing to you, then listen up ‘cos what I’m about to announce WILL be of interest..
Make sure you’re on my Monday email like white on rice. Be there or be nowhere.
Keith “Mr. Terrorism” Commins
P.S. Ah yes, about my terrorist sympathies. I won’t reveal exactly what the gentleman said yet because it’s so good it deserves an entire email, but the gist of it was that I support terrorism by encouraging business owners to “operate vicariously through the IRA by your meditation techniques”.
Days later I’m sit muttering WTF? to myself.
They’re out there. Be afraid, be very afraid…